dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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