All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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