She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
