oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
