So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you made out with another girl for some wings
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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