I bet he comes in French.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
