wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
