ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
