Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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