do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
