I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
