I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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