im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
