god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
