I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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