Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
