she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
