Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
