Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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