If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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