I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
