listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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