apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
