she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
