Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
