ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
