I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
