So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what day is it and did you see me today?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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