ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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