wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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