I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
