I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
