I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
