escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
