So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
