my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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