He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
