shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
