my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think my vagina is haunted
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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