Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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