Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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