Your tits are I can't wait for
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
