got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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