You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
