Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
