it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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