I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
