Fuck appropriateness.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
