she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
