i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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