took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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