Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
